Sunday, February 25, 2007

hmmm...


today someone gave me a bouquet of lilies.....


actually...lily...since its 1 lily...=P



anyway....i love lilies and red roses!!!....always bugged monkey for it....but everytime he bring me somewhere to choose it...i wld find it too ex to buy.....

anyway...me and tt fwen tt bought the lilies were talking abt motives and reasons behind pple's actions.....

the reason he gave for giving me the flowers....is cos he finds me pretty and wanna see me smile n happy........

geee......i wonder if monkey wld ever do tt....as in..ya la...we broke up n stuff...but....i dunno laa...
hahaha....stop living in e past.....

so ironic tt now tt im single...i have flowers more frequently.....i used to think tt girls onli get flowers when they're attached.....

wad ever la yea?.....if onli monkey wld do small little things cos he finds me pretty n wanna see me smile.....gosh.....tt wld b so sweet....very long never hear a guy tok so nicely liao.....abit touched...hahahaa........i miss my monkey....sometimes i wonder if he ever liked me....=\

hais.....wad ever la yea?....its dictated by him.....he has gotta bother to make e first move to chase me back be4 i can even have e right to consider patching rite??....so e best thing to do is to bo chup and see how things goes...

im having a goood life now anyway...i dun need anyone.....

StArStAr~~*~

Saturday, February 17, 2007

what price would u pay for freedom?
would u pay everything?...
becos tts how much u mean to me...

im gonna quit........

im gonna quit.......
REALLY...this time really gonna quit.....trying my best......14hours past liao
still chewing my chewig gum...=D
though feeling half dead
hahaha~~*~~~~

im gonna quit!!!!!!!!!!
reallyreally......
to all smokers...
im a non smoker now....
my fwen sent me this stuff....

Dealing with Smoking Withdrawal
Hang in There - Smoking Withdrawal
You've just quit smoking and you're feeling terrible. The symptoms you're experiencing are due to a decrease in the nicotine level in your body. Because the nicotine in the cigarettes acts on your brain and gives you positive and rewarding effects, when the level of nicotine falls, you experience these withdrawal symptoms.
The withdrawal symptoms you may be experiencing include intense craving for cigarettes, irritability, frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, insomnia, difficulty concentrating, restlessness, decreased heart rate and increase in appetite and weight gain. These symptoms often interfere with your daily activities including your social life, your work and other aspects of your life. Usually the first two days are not so bad. The withdrawal peaks at Day 3 and is more or less the same for the next five days. From the seventh to the tenth day, the smoker usually feels better and the symptoms become less intense from Day 10 to 14. The withdrawal period is usually up to two weeks for most smokers, although some experience withdrawal for up to six weeks.
There are other symptoms which may not be related to the actual withdrawal of nicotine. Smokers do experience headaches, lightheadness , coughing, tingling of the hands and feet, running nose, tiredness, stomach upset and a variety of other symptoms. Some of these symptoms occur because of the healing effects when the body starts to repair itself. Headaches, lightheadness and tingling of the hands and feet may occur because of increased oxygen supply to the brain and the return of the blood circulation to normal in the fingers and toes. Coughing may get worse because the lungs are starting to function properly again. The lungs are working to clear away the tar, dead cells and excess mucus. Once all the dirt is cleared away, the cough will stop for good.
So, be reassured when you get some of these symptoms. Don't feel discouraged and give in to smoking. The symptoms will go away and you will feel better. The cravings will become fewer, less intense and shorter. If you start smoking again, you will have to go through the whole cycle again.
What can you do to live through this period? Think positively. The withdrawal will come to an end. The symptoms are only temporary. The first week is the most critical period. Most relapses occur in the first week of quitting. If the withdrawal is really bad, you may need nicotine replacement or an oral medication called bupropion hydrochloride. You can also try the 4D's: Delaying lighting up Distracting yourself by doing something else Deep breathing exercises Drinking a glass of water or milk
More "Quit Smoking" Tips!
Whether you are trying to break the habit, or coping with the psychological and emotional aspects of stopping smoking, or dealing with the withdrawal of nicotine, you will probably want to know all the tips that can help you cope during this period. Many smokers have tried using different strategies, so it may be helpful to talk to ex-smokers too. However, as we are all different, what works for one may not work for another. So, don't be discouraged if something does not work for you. Try different methods and strategies until you are able to stop smoking. Here are some tips that you can try:
Be aware of every cigarette you smoke. When you want a cigarette, wait 2 minutes. Try to think of something else to do instead of smoking.
Change your smoking routines. Keep cigarettes in a different place. Smoke with your opposite hand.
Don't carry cigarettes with you at home or at work. Keep them as far away as possible. Leave them with someone or lock them up.
On your quit date, get rid of all the cigarettes in your house and car.
Develop a clean, fresh, non-smoking environment around yourself at work and at home.
Put away your ashtrays or fill them with objects so that they cannot be used for ashes. Plant cacti in them or fill them with groundnuts.
If you miss the sensation of a cigarette in your hand or in your mouth, keep your hands and mouth occupied.
Try holding or playing with your pen, pencil, paper clip, marble or fiddle with a stress ball or hand puzzles.
Keep oral substitutes handy. Try toothpicks or straws.
Chew on hard foods such as apples, raw carrots, celery sticks, plain popcorn or vinegar pickles.
Avoid temptations and situations you strongly associate with the pleasurable aspects of smoking, limit your socializing to situations where smoking is not allowed.
Get up from the table as soon as meals are over and brush your teeth. Take a short walk immediately.
Spend free time in places where smoking is not allowed, such as libraries, cinemas, theatres, department stores etc.
Find new habits to make smoking difficult: jogging, swimming, gardening, painting etc.
Breathe slowly and deeply 3 to 4 times whenever you feel tense. Keep your neck and shoulders loose. Move them around slowly. Do not clench your jaw.
Deal with your irritation and anger up front. Go for walks and do stretching exercises.
Get enough rest. Exercise regularly. Regular exercise also raises your overall energy level.
Increase fruit and vegetable intake. Eat low-calorie foods to help you maintain your weight.
Think positive things: "I smell better", "I'm in control", "I look and feel better", " I choose not to smoke".
Run through your day in advance. Identify potentially difficult times and prepare for them to avoid surprises.
Reach out for help and call someone who cares.
Be careful to recognise excuses to yourself. Remember, there never is a good reason to smoke.
Remember your reasons for quitting smoking. Don't Lose Heart Some people may develop withdrawal symptoms but these will disappear in one or two weeks. Apart from the longing to smoke (we've told you how to deal with this in step 5), the common complaints are : Tingling or numbness in your arms and legs as the circulation improves. Dizziness or lack of concentration as your brain gets used to having more oxygen. Cough and runny nose as your lungs get rid of all the dirt and germs that have collected inside while you were smoking. Get A Little Help from Friends Minor irritability and grouchiness. Remember, we said it wouldn't be easy. We said it would need commitment. But we also said you could do it, so hang in there and donit give up. All that poison is leaving your body for good now! Tell your family and friends that you're quitting. In fact, go ahead and tell everybody so that you can't back out of your commitment. Get them to remind and encourage you if you start to lose heart. They'll also be more understanding and patient with you while you're trying to quit.

StArStAr~~*~

Saturday, February 10, 2007

chatted wif little monkey for damn long today....not really tt long la...but longer than we did for e past 2 mths....almost 2 mts la...=)...

*happy**

i love him...but sometimes love juz aint enuff....i juz wanna see him happy n well...

hope he doesn't get sick or stressed or unhappy or anything...cos it juz makes my heart go all weak in sadness...

the grass may not be greener on the other side...

freedom....wad does it mean?....
means a pile of things to different pple....

freedom from govt, freedom of speech,freedom for slaves,freedom for women from men that supress women, or women tt suppress their ownself... freedom from addiction, freedom from parents, freedom from someone u love...freedom from yourself, to yourself.....

how much freedom is appropriate?...what extend of freedom is just enough?...why is freedom so valued....what type of pple deserves what amt of freedom?....

if my company gives me more freedom, would i perform as well in work? if they give me less freedom, would i perform better?

if i gave my ex more freedom, would things have gotten better between us?...or wld he have disappeared with his ex?

if the govt gave us more freedom, would singapore become less stable?...or wld we become more creative and innovative?....

if my parents gave me more freedom, would i have strayed away?...or would i start to come back slowly and of my own accord?...

if i did not restrict myself, would i have not loved my freedom so much now, such tt however i love my ex, i would not consider going back together?....

how do u define happiness?.....
pple in love in their honeymoon period seem really happy....
pple in love for a longer time and keep quarrelling say they're in pain....
pple in relationship for a damn long time are in love, but sometimes wonder what they're missing by not being single....
pple tt are single look jealously at loving couples n yet, enjoy their freedom~~~

families that are in a whole have kids wondering if something's missing...
families tt are broken have kids wishing for one last nag or one last home food....
parents that give up their life to take care of their kids look jealously at those their age who dress up and go have fun...
parents tt refuse to give up their life for their kids look as their kids start to stray away from them and mix with bad company....

why do pple choose the route they go??...they probably feel it brings them the most happiness...and then they look at others tt took the route they dint go...and get upset...the grass is always greener on the other side...

singapore is so organised...so rigid and so efficient...is tt good?...manchester comparatively is so disorganised...pple don't bother as much, are less "niao" there....pple are happier but with less hours spent on work....i heard my fwen and his fwens were buying a pile of things from saintsbury...then their fwen work there....one day they went to buy this pile of stuffs..they were trying to tok to tt fwen..but for some reason he seemed really dao..they thot is cos he bad day at work and stuffs....
suddenly after they left, they were looking thru their receipt...it was 15pounds short....apparantly the fwen purposely did not scan the bottle of wine...tts why he was acting like he dint know them...

in manchester, he can get away with it by saying its a mistake...but in singapore...could he ever?...he'll prob have to fork it out from his own pocket....

whats wrong with the society here....
ever since i got back to work, everyday when i sit the bus, i see gloomy pple on the bus frowning, sleeping, doing anything except smile....

i suddenly think about my old self.....everybody has a growing up phase....many phases in fact....
when i was younger, i was this rigid, efficient, into discipline and rules and laws......

as i grew older, i realised that rules are made by humans and meant to be broken.....
i realised tt rigid efficiency and discipline is actually....something more kiddified...i dun really know how to explain it.....its like....for babies.....
its like ur parents control u in every way u are when ur a kid....
as u grow up, they start to give u ur freedom..but not totally...
our country may be efficient and everything....but is the nation happy?
we're like a kid, getting some little freedom, being happy for the new little freedom we get...then next min we know we get a magnetic chip on our passport...to know where we are when we get into an accident....is the govt getting paranoid?..why the need to know our every movement?..i know singaporean talents are flocking overseas for better opportunity...maybe its not becos of the better pay or wad...maybe its becos of how the society is like here?

i miss..
i miss the carefree life style in manchester...
the slow moving, slack lifestyle
i miss
the pple smiling and being friendly....
everyone saying hi and smiling at each other....
miss pple lighting up for me...
miss pple holding the door for me....
miss pple letting me go first....
even miss letting pple go first...
yesterday i tried to let a guy with luggage go first..
i know how troublesome it is to travel and stuffs...
but he just pushed forward and rolled his luggage over my toes....

i toked to this old lady yesterday...she actually came over to talk to me...
she acted kinda wierdly...
but i still talked to her...
come to think of it, i prob wun have done it half a yr ago....
but now..i juz missed the smiles on the bus so much...
i just chatted with her from braddell all the way to orchard...

im a slacker....
pple tt know me well excluding my manchester fwens wld probably know that....
but at manchester..for some reason, i started to buck up....i worked really hard...and wanted to really score....
i dun know why....
i dun know why it is in tt environment tt i seem to perform my best, be my happiest, work my hardest...
for some reason or another, i seem to wanna strive for my best, and i seemed to finally found the reason to work hard....

and the reason is...for myself.....

maybe its got nothing to do with manchester,....maybe its just time i woke up and started growing up....maybe its just tt without the protective cover of my family n my ex...i started growing...

i duno...=)

i love my life now...sometimes i look at loving couples jealously...sometimes i miss a certain one...sometimes even two....sometimes even the whole pile....really miss everyone at manchester....met robert n james yesterday....such a familiar feeling....robert with his funny accent..hahaa....james with his singaporean accent back....drinking together....they going to dance...robert dancing in his usual funny style....everything abt him cracks me up man...=)

never had a big group of fwens be4...they're my first big grp..and i really love them....yesterday kailin wispered to me tt she thinks robert likes me....hahaa~~*~~....its juz damn funny~...never been so close to some pple until when other pple see, they thot he like me, but in actual fact...we've juz been all relying on each other for so long until we become close....

i miss everybody...

i miss isabella...miss holding her hand, hugging her, bathing with her...sounds gay?...hahaa....no, we're both str8...hahaa...i miss eating with her...miss hearing her....miss her dropping by the common room...miss the cookies she bought once for me...as a surprise....so sweet....=D

i miss marchie....i miss disturbing her...miss the way she reacts when i disturb her....miss hugging her, she in her white furry hatted coat...miss the food she used to cook for me...miss chatting non stop wif her...she can really talk man....=D

i miss roberta....miss his nonstop chattering..i would have missed his wholeday msging me..except tt he still does it now...and it just got more since hp charges are so much cheaper now...hahaa..i miss hugging him...miss gossipping with him and mugging together......

i miss momo....not monkey momo...hahaa...yea..they have the same nickname...abit wierd at first..but yea..moses momo...miss him complaining abt his problems, miss him saying tt he cried...miss smoking with him...miss studying to the wee hours with him..miss getting trashed by him at DOTA..then he laughing away...miss him disturbing me...calling me once he wakes up..can tell he's really quite lonely and scared of being alone..

really misses him...he seem to have drifted apart the most from me comparatively to the rest...as in we used to be quite close...but...it seem to be disappearing...

i miss daniel!!~..its so fun chatting with him...he can talk about everything under the sun...he seem to know everything...really smart ass tt will probably be rich next time...i miss his voice...it was a really good voice..he can really sing...oh ya...n i miss him and momo's cooking...yummy!!~~!!

i miss ky...he really disappeared now man...ask him out for zx's bday he until now stilll havent replied...dunno, he dun seem to miss mancehster..but i kinda understand...he's got his life in singapore...i've got my life in manchester...miss his nonsenses, miss his PAPness..hahaaa~~*~ juz dunno why after his gf left manchester, he seemed to have became so distant from us..dun get it...but he resembles jeff's character.....

military guys are so loving towards their gfs...so family oriented...but they are so much of tt character tt it seems abit scary liao....but they've got lucky gfs...=)

i miss james and zixiang as well...miss us smoking together...miss zixiang being violent...hahaa~~*~~

i miss martin, glenn, john, jusley, sebastian, the rest of the cs singapore pple, the smiliey pple in e corridor, the caffeteria pple....

actually as wierd as it sounds, half a yr may just be just right actually...now all of us leave each other with good impressions and happy thoughts in our mind...no doubt maybe half a yr more may bring more happy thots to it...but it may bring disruption to our friendship as well...we may no longer be as close or may find faults with each other and may break apart...

actually we all just think of wad we're currently feeling...without even considering tt even if we get wad we want...we may not be happy...we may be even worse off....hence...cherish wad u curently have, and smile at the past beautiful memories...

gawwdd...i really rambled on for hours man~~!!~~....hahaaa..okok...time to pack my room..=D...