the grass may not be greener on the other side...

freedom....wad does it mean?....
means a pile of things to different pple....

freedom from govt, freedom of speech,freedom for slaves,freedom for women from men that supress women, or women tt suppress their ownself... freedom from addiction, freedom from parents, freedom from someone u love...freedom from yourself, to yourself.....

how much freedom is appropriate?...what extend of freedom is just enough?...why is freedom so valued....what type of pple deserves what amt of freedom?....

if my company gives me more freedom, would i perform as well in work? if they give me less freedom, would i perform better?

if i gave my ex more freedom, would things have gotten better between us?...or wld he have disappeared with his ex?

if the govt gave us more freedom, would singapore become less stable?...or wld we become more creative and innovative?....

if my parents gave me more freedom, would i have strayed away?...or would i start to come back slowly and of my own accord?...

if i did not restrict myself, would i have not loved my freedom so much now, such tt however i love my ex, i would not consider going back together?....

how do u define happiness?.....
pple in love in their honeymoon period seem really happy....
pple in love for a longer time and keep quarrelling say they're in pain....
pple in relationship for a damn long time are in love, but sometimes wonder what they're missing by not being single....
pple tt are single look jealously at loving couples n yet, enjoy their freedom~~~

families that are in a whole have kids wondering if something's missing...
families tt are broken have kids wishing for one last nag or one last home food....
parents that give up their life to take care of their kids look jealously at those their age who dress up and go have fun...
parents tt refuse to give up their life for their kids look as their kids start to stray away from them and mix with bad company....

why do pple choose the route they go??...they probably feel it brings them the most happiness...and then they look at others tt took the route they dint go...and get upset...the grass is always greener on the other side...

singapore is so organised...so rigid and so efficient...is tt good?...manchester comparatively is so disorganised...pple don't bother as much, are less "niao" there....pple are happier but with less hours spent on work....i heard my fwen and his fwens were buying a pile of things from saintsbury...then their fwen work there....one day they went to buy this pile of stuffs..they were trying to tok to tt fwen..but for some reason he seemed really dao..they thot is cos he bad day at work and stuffs....
suddenly after they left, they were looking thru their receipt...it was 15pounds short....apparantly the fwen purposely did not scan the bottle of wine...tts why he was acting like he dint know them...

in manchester, he can get away with it by saying its a mistake...but in singapore...could he ever?...he'll prob have to fork it out from his own pocket....

whats wrong with the society here....
ever since i got back to work, everyday when i sit the bus, i see gloomy pple on the bus frowning, sleeping, doing anything except smile....

i suddenly think about my old self.....everybody has a growing up phase....many phases in fact....
when i was younger, i was this rigid, efficient, into discipline and rules and laws......

as i grew older, i realised that rules are made by humans and meant to be broken.....
i realised tt rigid efficiency and discipline is actually....something more kiddified...i dun really know how to explain it.....its like....for babies.....
its like ur parents control u in every way u are when ur a kid....
as u grow up, they start to give u ur freedom..but not totally...
our country may be efficient and everything....but is the nation happy?
we're like a kid, getting some little freedom, being happy for the new little freedom we get...then next min we know we get a magnetic chip on our passport...to know where we are when we get into an accident....is the govt getting paranoid?..why the need to know our every movement?..i know singaporean talents are flocking overseas for better opportunity...maybe its not becos of the better pay or wad...maybe its becos of how the society is like here?

i miss..
i miss the carefree life style in manchester...
the slow moving, slack lifestyle
i miss
the pple smiling and being friendly....
everyone saying hi and smiling at each other....
miss pple lighting up for me...
miss pple holding the door for me....
miss pple letting me go first....
even miss letting pple go first...
yesterday i tried to let a guy with luggage go first..
i know how troublesome it is to travel and stuffs...
but he just pushed forward and rolled his luggage over my toes....

i toked to this old lady yesterday...she actually came over to talk to me...
she acted kinda wierdly...
but i still talked to her...
come to think of it, i prob wun have done it half a yr ago....
but now..i juz missed the smiles on the bus so much...
i just chatted with her from braddell all the way to orchard...

im a slacker....
pple tt know me well excluding my manchester fwens wld probably know that....
but at manchester..for some reason, i started to buck up....i worked really hard...and wanted to really score....
i dun know why....
i dun know why it is in tt environment tt i seem to perform my best, be my happiest, work my hardest...
for some reason or another, i seem to wanna strive for my best, and i seemed to finally found the reason to work hard....

and the reason is...for myself.....

maybe its got nothing to do with manchester,....maybe its just time i woke up and started growing up....maybe its just tt without the protective cover of my family n my ex...i started growing...

i duno...=)

i love my life now...sometimes i look at loving couples jealously...sometimes i miss a certain one...sometimes even two....sometimes even the whole pile....really miss everyone at manchester....met robert n james yesterday....such a familiar feeling....robert with his funny accent..hahaa....james with his singaporean accent back....drinking together....they going to dance...robert dancing in his usual funny style....everything abt him cracks me up man...=)

never had a big group of fwens be4...they're my first big grp..and i really love them....yesterday kailin wispered to me tt she thinks robert likes me....hahaa~~*~~....its juz damn funny~...never been so close to some pple until when other pple see, they thot he like me, but in actual fact...we've juz been all relying on each other for so long until we become close....

i miss everybody...

i miss isabella...miss holding her hand, hugging her, bathing with her...sounds gay?...hahaa....no, we're both str8...hahaa...i miss eating with her...miss hearing her....miss her dropping by the common room...miss the cookies she bought once for me...as a surprise....so sweet....=D

i miss marchie....i miss disturbing her...miss the way she reacts when i disturb her....miss hugging her, she in her white furry hatted coat...miss the food she used to cook for me...miss chatting non stop wif her...she can really talk man....=D

i miss roberta....miss his nonstop chattering..i would have missed his wholeday msging me..except tt he still does it now...and it just got more since hp charges are so much cheaper now...hahaa..i miss hugging him...miss gossipping with him and mugging together......

i miss momo....not monkey momo...hahaa...yea..they have the same nickname...abit wierd at first..but yea..moses momo...miss him complaining abt his problems, miss him saying tt he cried...miss smoking with him...miss studying to the wee hours with him..miss getting trashed by him at DOTA..then he laughing away...miss him disturbing me...calling me once he wakes up..can tell he's really quite lonely and scared of being alone..

really misses him...he seem to have drifted apart the most from me comparatively to the rest...as in we used to be quite close...but...it seem to be disappearing...

i miss daniel!!~..its so fun chatting with him...he can talk about everything under the sun...he seem to know everything...really smart ass tt will probably be rich next time...i miss his voice...it was a really good voice..he can really sing...oh ya...n i miss him and momo's cooking...yummy!!~~!!

i miss ky...he really disappeared now man...ask him out for zx's bday he until now stilll havent replied...dunno, he dun seem to miss mancehster..but i kinda understand...he's got his life in singapore...i've got my life in manchester...miss his nonsenses, miss his PAPness..hahaaa~~*~ juz dunno why after his gf left manchester, he seemed to have became so distant from us..dun get it...but he resembles jeff's character.....

military guys are so loving towards their gfs...so family oriented...but they are so much of tt character tt it seems abit scary liao....but they've got lucky gfs...=)

i miss james and zixiang as well...miss us smoking together...miss zixiang being violent...hahaa~~*~~

i miss martin, glenn, john, jusley, sebastian, the rest of the cs singapore pple, the smiliey pple in e corridor, the caffeteria pple....

actually as wierd as it sounds, half a yr may just be just right actually...now all of us leave each other with good impressions and happy thoughts in our mind...no doubt maybe half a yr more may bring more happy thots to it...but it may bring disruption to our friendship as well...we may no longer be as close or may find faults with each other and may break apart...

actually we all just think of wad we're currently feeling...without even considering tt even if we get wad we want...we may not be happy...we may be even worse off....hence...cherish wad u curently have, and smile at the past beautiful memories...

gawwdd...i really rambled on for hours man~~!!~~....hahaaa..okok...time to pack my room..=D...