dunno...juz feel really sian....so freaking sick of studying...i dun wanna go back home...but bo pian..damn sian...dun wanna face reality....dun wan at all....

today my fwens n i were toking abt guys...then i realised tt i still cant let go of the betrayal tt i felt towards monkey in the past....its like...i dunno...
but guys definition of white lies are really screwed up....maybe not all guys, but juz monkey ba...but as i chatted wif them, the recollection of being lied to and the familiarity of shivering uncontrollably whenever something happens comes all back...feeling of shivering alone doesn't really feel good...all the more certain tt this is really the end for both of us...hate to remember those stuffs...hate to be lied at....its all juz retribution...if love is this hard, then i never wanna love again....never wanna fall in love...haven heard from him for quite some time...starting to get over him liao..(i hope)...the other day i was looking at his videos....he's so cute....then i got stuck in depressed state again....yesterday i deleted all his videos n msges...dun wanna be depressed no more....

i will get over it...i know it...i'll find someone tt wld never lie to me like he did....i will....if i can never find such a person, then i rather be alone for the rest of my life....never wanna get hurt again....never wanna feel like dying....like death is better than living.....i've so much to look forward to in life...so much love from my family and friends....my future is so bright...dint understand why i was so depressed until even consider jumping off..never in my life had i felt so terrible....so pain....deep inside....i never wanna feel pain again....dun think i'll ever manage to forget wad happened....even when i do forgive him for hurting me during the 2 yrs....i'll never forgive myself for ever considering to harm myself...its unforgivable, n i never wanna feel tt way again...i love myself too much....