i've lost him.....
really lost him le.....
its over.....
hais.....

i dunno why im feeling upset for.....i chose tt path.....
i was e one tt wanted a breakup...
after that i was e one tt wanted a clean break up....
but now....faced with e reality....tt i may really lose him forever.....
it suddenly becomes so hard....
however independent i became.....
however i can survive wif out him by my side.....
the thot of losing him forever....it still feels like shit...
i dunno whats wrong wif me....i never ask my exs for patch one...i never was so wishy washy...
and now..here i am, one min saying this thing, the next min saying another thing.....

i know im in love wif him...but i know....when i get together wif him, unless he has changed in the past few mths i was at manchester...which is highly impossible, i'll still feel tt i deserve better.....

i was looking at myself in e mirror today.....was thinking to myself.....im at my 21s....at the supposedly be at the best part of my life...every woman wanna be 21....

and yet instead of having a good time,being happy, here i am stuck in this dead end.....

i dunno wad i shld do....break up wif him oso alone.....be wif him oso alone.......wads e diff rite....think maybe i'll juz hug my pork to slp everyday...and be happy wif juz being wif my pork...=)

think he's coping well without me...i know it has been hard on him for e past 2 yrs as well....maybe this is really the onli way out ba....

bye little monkey......bye honey.....bye deardear....bye houhou......

StArStAr~~*~