yesterday i was in a very bad mood.....so a fwen brought me to the beach....on e way there......we were walking towards the beach then crossing this big pile of water...then i dunno what happened....he sort of tried to hold my hand to help me across it...but i instinctively flung it off violently...oh my gosh...i dunno if he likes me or is he juz being a gentleman who's a fwen...but if he onli treats me as a fwen then its damn paiseh la......

but which male fwen holds the girl's hands to cross the bigbig puddle one....as in like....its not on e wrist leh....its my fingers leh.......i dunno la....i juz feel wierd......

scarly he likes me....i hope not....ever since i came back to singapore....i've been feeling wierd...as though guys are acting wierdly...i thot the lily guy liked me too last time....but he's attached and stuff...n he knows i dun like him...i thot he's juz in need of a fwen n tt he's juz a gentlemen....wad e hell la....i feel like i've been like a turkey...being slowly grilled until almost cooked then pple wanna eat...but lucky i still not that dead yet, still can run on my puny legs.....

whats wif all the manipulation...all the pretending and everything...maybe i've been out of the dating world for too long.....really not used to it....insisting on coming over juz to ensure i dun smoke and confiscating my cigs.....

i felt tt there was something wierd going on, but haiss.....nvm la....managed to run wif my puny legs away...hahahaa...noo..dun get e wrong idea...he dint try anything funny...i juz dunno why..being really scared of falling in love again...n i know he's not my type.....

u know...tts wad i've been saying abt this guy n tt guy and all e guys.....maybe im the wierd one...maybe onli robin's my type....hahahaaa......wad ever la huh...its so over liao...dunno if i mentioned it....we had a clean break....i requested for it.......i think it'll be better for me....i cant continue wondering whether he still cares, whether he still loves me, whether he'll ask for a patch ever.....i'll juz have to depend on myself.......my happiness can only come from myself.....

sometimes i daydream....dream tt robin's willing to change...dream tt he wld come after me...start chasing me like last time again....n one fine day when he ask me for a patch...i'll say yes...n we'll live happily ever after...but yea...it'll never happen.....was toking to my senior another day...he told me tt on the first day we were at orientation....he already felt tt robin n i wld end up together....tt we were really compaitable.....i dun even remember talking to robin on e first day lor...in fact i dun even remember robin on e first few days of orientation camp..=X...r we really tt compaitable?....guess i'll never know..........

some times pple ask me how come robin never ask for a patch.......seriously...hahahaa...i kinda expected it....and when i told robin i wanted a clean break......i know.....we will have a clean break.....he's e type tt will believe its wad i want and let me have it....sometimes it makes me wonder if he loves me at all...not fighting for us....but....its juz him ba....he's not proactive at all...one of the points i really dislike abt him....but yea.....i rather tell him i wan a clean break...to force it on us...rather than me trying to control not finding him.....it wld be easier....given tt he's sooooo not proactive not a shit wld ever happen and we wld juz keep draggging it...wads wrong wif him ar....cant he make up his own mind....if he wan then pounce over la...if dun wan then ignore me lorr...wads wrong wif him trying to be all responsible n wanting to take care n help me but not doing any shit....wads the freaking point rite...end up oso i have to make the move to decide to stop things.....wah lao....

sometimes i oso dunno wad i wan....here there's a guy tts willin to do all the stuff i wan robin to do, so much better looking than robin....and i dun like him at all.....wads wrong wif me.....im sure this guy will treat me well.....but i dun like him at all....wads wrongggggg..................got a feeling i'll die alone as a spinster....hope by then i'll still have my fwens arn....

StArStAr~~*~