Saturday, June 09, 2007

more pics......something interesting....a conversation between marchie n roberta....i stole it from marchie's blog..=X....haisss...roberta.......*shake head**









geee....very small hor......nvm..i copy n paste......here goes......

From Mars.....

Anyway, we were like talking about Miss Universe on MSN la. Then Robert finally came to the conclusion that it's all about the answers that you give.

R: aiyaso wasted lari really think i can win this kind of competition you knowit's soooo easy you knowall e questionsthey're not gonna ask you to do integral or derivation lehonly simple2 questions like thesewalawe

AND THEN he proceeded to tell me how HE would have answered all the 5 questions posed to the top 5 finalists. OMG i want to pengsan can! hahahahaa..

R: OMGGGGGGi'm so gonna win pageant lor

M: robert u crack me uplike really

R: but i'm considering to become a supermodel in paris or new york maybea male supermodelthat'd be coolthen when i'm successful alreadyasked by e journalistwad's ur secret?

M: waaat? i also want to know!

R: i'll answer good-lookingness and strong character

M: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

R: too bad i'm not that good-looking lareven though i might have that strong character

M: there's always plastic surgery

R: oh crap, i'm not gonna do that

M: y not?

R: we're beautiful God created usOMGGGGGGi'm really good at this answering thingy arhi really can win pageant leh

aiyoh can die laughing u know talking to him. SO NONSENSE!!!!! tak snonoh!

oh my gawd....hahahaaa~~*~~~.....

anyway...the gals met up for cookie baking~~*~~...=D...last week actually....

i wanna upload e pics one...but dunno wads wrong suddenly..=\

cannot upload pics...btw....the girls = 4 gals...stella, marchie, bella and roberta...=X...

nvm la..another day then upload..tata~~*~



StArStAr~~*~


hmmmmm...



always look at the same pics...dunno if u all sian anot....wonder if monkey ever comes in to see my blog...all i know is tt got new viewer....mr lily.....hi lily~~*~...=X
anyway...if monkey comes...im doing fine...=)....pics here...

*star n baby pork**...isn't she e cutest??...=P...i love her~~*~...=D





my work place....at abt few mths ago...now thomas left le n replaced by a ntu guy..i miss mrs lim~~!~...she's coming back in 4 days time~~..*yay~**
hmmm...sometimes i really wonder...how does this horoscope thingy work?....
my horoscope for today

Your spirit is sparkling, Star, and you may feel yourself filling up with tremendous energy as you go about your day. Your sense of adventure is at a monthly peak, and there is very little that can get you down. One area of your life that might be slightly difficult for you to deal with right now, though, is your world of love and romance. For some reason, you may feel like this is the one domain in which things aren't going the way you would like them to. The secret is to be patient.

hmmm...sometimes i wonder if its possible to have 1/24 of the whole world, seeming to be going thru almost e same stuff as u are going thru now...guess its actually all up to personal interpretation ba...

horoscope for tml...
If only there were more hours in a day you would have a chance of doing everything you wanted to. Alas, you are allotted a mere 24, and have to do the best you can with that limited amount. Today you may feel real time pressure, as demands come at you from all sides. The office, home, your religious group and volunteer organization all could be clamoring for a piece of you. If you are not careful, Star, there will be nothing left of yourself to give.

gee....the thought of finishing up my work tml...sucks to e core........zzzzz~~
today was fun, slping the whole day thru.....=)
i love to slp....=)=)

actually somehow...i kinda feel for my ex now....sorta, realises how he felt last time....

hmmm...now i oso can understand why he wakes up at 3 plus 4 plus...
i oso understand why he treats me tt way last time le....actually...i cant really blame him ba...guess i was too young and silly to understand...to actually believe, that love is all someone needs....is a stupidstupid thing tt i used to believe in....actually have been talking to varies pple...many in fact....some abt my probs, some abt life...realised my attitude towards life, perhaps, have been wrong all the while.....

wad ever it is, im glad i've changed...feel tt being in manchester...really changed my life...guess if i didn't go manchester...my life would still be the same...like wad robin said, if i dint break up wif him then, we wld have prob still be together up till now...but if i dint break up wif robin...how would i have found myself?.....

somehow...i dun really know wad happened to me...but im thankful...glad tt im who i am now...i dunno wads gonna happen....but i know wadever that can happen...im strong enuff to take it to my stride.

im thankful....for everyone tt have been there for me during my period of unhappiness....esp kailin....who's always there for me...thanks babe~~...=P

i guess..my heart died ever since monday...dun think it'll get healed again in e near future...i wish my monkey happiness wif his gf...all along i had believed...tt if love truely existed...he would come back...all along i had believed...tt if love truely existed...he wun move on so soon...then if tts the case, doesn't tt mean tt love never truely existed?...i dun really believe tt...but i guess...it did exist...maybe juz not as strong as i thot it wld be...on the other hand sometimes i wonder...maybe its juz me...tts taking so long to get over things..finally understood...wad love means...all i can remember..is tt its pain, pain n pain....and happy, happy n happy as well...i guess...i was too naive...thanks for waking me up...letting me fall hard early..be4 its too late...thanks for letting me find out wad love truely means...before i fall in and break my heart in something where i cant ever come out...

for now...all i know...is tt love doesn't exist...its just a fanciful word for sex...either immediate, or in the future...ladies...dun ever fall in love...

-the end-

Saturday, April 07, 2007

i miss my best fwen...i miss having my best fwen arn...everytime im sad....my best fwen is always arn...

quit for 5 and a half days liao...longest so far...gambate star!!!

StArStAr~~*~
my horoscope for today...==>

"It is difficult to maintain a light, happy-go-lucky feeling when you've got a large ton of bricks on your back, star. Perhaps you have slowly accumulated those bricks over time. Each time you repress something that should be expressed, another brick is loaded on, making it more difficult for you to maintain a carefree attitude. Suddenly you are faced with the truth, and you can no longer move forward with all those bricks on your back. It's time to deal with the pain and shed the unwanted weight."

that is precisely how i feel...
tell me....
tell me how to shed it?

StArStAr~~*~

Saturday, March 24, 2007

my fwen's nick==>do you wonder if we make e moments in our lives or the moments in our lives make us?

we make e moments in our lives...i believe in e butterfly effect....if i dint do this, then that wun have happened, if i did this, that wld have happened...

like even for robin...if when he lied, i dint close one eye, i won't have gotten hurt...i wld have ended it earlier...it wasn't his fault actually....cos my happiness is from myself...if i ended it early...i wun have gotten hurt...instead of asking him to change..i shld have juz left...then i wun have goten hurt so many times...

i think independence is such a powerful thing....more powerful than money...if tt time i had the independence to make myself smile, i wun have gone thru all those...

i think i became alot more independent liao...alot more able to b happy le...eh..i gtg visit my grandma liao...continue later


StArStAr~~*~

Friday, March 23, 2007

today my grandma got into icu...she look so weak...
her heartbeat stopped twice..but she got resucetated..dunno how to spell...
my fwen's sis once said something when their grandma passed away....
"our parents will be next"...

eek...it sounds scary...but ya....our parents aren't as young as they used to be anymore...
muz cherish them more....dun let them work so hard anymore.....

juz got home...left work halfway and cancelled the meeting with my prof juz to go hospital...damn shagged out...yesterday onli slept 1 hr....

tml morning going back to visit her...the doc say if she gets better, monday can go for heart bypass..but the odds are onli 50% for the heart bypass operation to b successful....

dunno why when i found out she was at ICU at work i juz burst out crying...so paiseh....she had 4 heart attacks in the morning....isn't 1 heart attack very dangerous, not to mention 4, esp at her age....

i havent been a good grand daughter.....used to worry my parents n grandma so much....juz started to be nicer to her, n suddenly juz like tt....lucky i went to visit her on tues..else i'll really regret it if anything happened...on tues she was still awake and energetic, asking the maid to buy 4D and writing out the number for the maid.....i was juz smiling at the scene of it at the side of the hospital bed...suddenly juz like tt....thot she getting better liao...everyone was saying she looked much stronger than monday...yet now she is depending on machines to live on...

i was at the waiting area today....everyone's eyes were red and wet.....then my cousin and her 2 baby sons appeared....then pple started smiling and playing with the baby...its like a very strong scene of nature enacting in front of my eyes.....i dun wan nature to happen...i wanna stay a kid forever, and my parents young and energetic, and my grandma still scolding me for being rebellous...i know i sound stupid n naive....but tts wad i want....i dun wan black eyed peas, i wan carpenters....i dun wan uni, i wan sec sch....=\

k la...i go slp liao...tml leaving at 9am..muz wake up early.....@_@.....so tired...*zzz~**

StArStAr~~*~

Sunday, March 18, 2007

anyway....fri was quite happenening...=P

the lead singer at DXO came down with e mic n walked arn...
then i was sitting alone nearby...then he walked over n put e mic at my mouth...then this part then e band singers dun sing then ask me to sing!...is like suddenly quiet...then onli got my voice come out...damn paiseh~~...hahaaa~

its onli a phrase anyway....more crappy stuff happened..
hahahaaa

this gal i think she was quite drunk....
again my fwens not arn....she came over n sat beside me...then ask me why i look so sad.....
i told her i got r/s prob....then we chatchat....then she say something tt sounded like "u look hurt"....then i was like...yea..im hurt...then she was like..."no...no...i mean u look hot"...then later, her face came over n she tried to kiss me mouth to mouth!!!!!

o my gawd!!!!..i siamed, she ended up kissing my chin!.....arghh!!!.......

but actually...when she kissed me....somehow it wasn't as gross as i thot it wld b kissing a girl....maybe its the effects of the graveyard,which tastes damn gross by the way....but anyway...at tt split sec i was actually wondering,if i shld juz try turning les....hahahaa.....maybe i shldn't have siamed....

if i dint siam...maybe today i'll officially b les liao....but she's not my type la...=P

oh nooo...hahahaa....im not bisexual.....maybe i've juz been on my own for quite sometime for e first time in almost 7yrs..the last time i kissed robin was sep 10th 2006 2/3am.....i prob juz missed it..hahahaa....im lousy....=X....

anyway i got a shock after tt, sms kai to quickly come back!!!......they've been gone for damn long...i took our stuff n went to find them....kai was with her ex n his fwens...then we went to find james....he was quite high...he was sleepin on e sofa n got warned by e bouncer if he sleep again he'll b chasen out...we searched for him for damn long la~~!....one hr plus....then damn kan chiong, cannot find him..waited outside e toilet for him, ask e bouncer go in help us see if he's dead drunk there..cannot find, search e club upstairs downstairs oso cannot find, go out oso cannot find....end up i sms my manchester fwens ask them help me check if he went home ardy or not n check if he's online anot....marchie say he never reply....we continued searching until the club actually closed...close liao oso cannot find....end up he wasn't in e club at all....we went out to continue finding...found him sleeping by the river......

after tt we decided to go eat bf...ate mac liao very tired, but wanna save money...juz gonna wait 1 and a half hr then got bus go home liao...but all very sleepy..so end up going to pacific plaza sleep..kena found by e security..then go hotel royal plaza sleep on sofa...kena chased out oso again....bo pian no where to slp liao...hahahaa~~*~~...finally headed home in e cab.....

the next day kai n james i think they quarreled...james say i was drunk cos i went to find e mancehster pple for help...like how wld they know where james was..kai got quite pissed cos he dint seem apologetic tt he made us worry n even say im drunk...kai defended me n scolded him n blocked him!...geee..how did things become like tt...=\

now kai n me wondering if james blocked us as well..he hasn't been online for quite sometime...abit wierd......=\

hope things will turn out alright...

StArStAr~~*~

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Tutorial 1 of relationships.....

==>how to end things cleanly with ur ex wifout hurting her feelings...

after she turn mad, 2-3 hrs later then reply the following...

==>sorry, i was busy..
interpretation==>sorry, losing u has no effect on me such tt wad ever im doing cant wait n u have to wait 2-3hrs be4 i reply something decent

==>ur a very nice n good girl, the type of gf every guy is looking for..but im not a nice guy
interpretation==>u r nice, take care of me n love me like my mom loves me...but like how i treat my mom, i take u for granted, hence im not nice to u..cos i dun really love u tt much anyway

==>i really loved u
interpretation==>i don't love u now....

==>i dun have face to face u anymore
interpretation==>gently letting the girl know the guy shall not bother to look for her anymore....also puts the guy in a good light as it seems like its not tt he cant be bothered to find her, but actually he has no face to do tt....yar rite....-__-"

==>i know u hate me n i understand nothing i say will help
interpretation==>i shall fix it such tt becos i assume tt u hate me, which i know is totally untrue, i shall pretend to b sad n hence say this so tt i wun b blamed for not persuading u or coaxing u.

ok....maybe certain things to some extend could vary frm guy to guy...
but this shld b e general guideline ba....

Tutorial 2 of relationships

for ladies wise.....
==>i hate u
interpretation==>i love u

==>ur such a jerk
interpretation==>why never ask me for a patch?

==>arsh hole
interpretation==>how come until now still haven ask for patch?

==>stupid arsh hole
interpretation==>OEI...ask la!!

==>ur not a man...not proactive one...
interpretation==>u really really REALLY shld be chasing me back!!!!...*ROAR!!**

==>i miss u
interpretation==>hahahaaa...u really think so?...hmmm...maybe a teeny weeny bit la....

==>i wan a clean break
interpretation==>wake up n start running over!

==>forget it....i dun trust u....
interpretation==>wake up n hurry coax me!!

==>im happier without u...
interpretation==>cant u see im trying to convince myself? If tt was really true, i wld have said something else like "i think im not ready for anything currently"

==>i love being single!
interpretation==>same as the previous

human beings are complicated creatures......
StArStAr~~*~

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

i decided to stop forcing myself to get over him le......

i juz need time...i may consider patching wif him...but not be4 he has step down from his position....

this time i have to b firm abt it...

i know i've been hiding alot....reluctant to go out or move my butt....

i think i juz need time...i shldn't be forcing myself anymore..its already so hard.....

i know my happiness is not determined by anyone...no one except for myself....

i've been alone alot recently...i think i need time alone...

sometimes i feel lonely...but i chose my own route...if i choose to b alone...i very well gonna stick to it.....i choose to lose contact wif certain pple...im not a bitch....i shall not lead anyone on.....

i gonna try...try my best to be independent...more independent.....

im gonna try, surviving on my own.....being happy on my own.......

i'll emerge stronger than be4......i will not get hurt again.......

StArStAr~~*~

Monday, March 12, 2007

=(
*ROAR!!**

so sad...
i happily go IT fair..thot buy my dvd rom liao can install anti virus liao....

but my pc died on me be4 i can settle it....:'(

so sad!!!

it happened be4...but i stupidstupid never go n back up

thot will reformat my comp once i get my external hd...

hee``~*~8``...i got my external hd too btw...i love it!!!!..=X

anyway...hope like the other time, i let it rest for awhile then later it can work....

*star crosses her fingers n hope**

=D

yesterday UAN called...ask me go for audition as a singer...

i dunno leh...shld i go for it??...hahahaa~~*~~
if they feel i got potential, they will send me to hk or taiwan to train me.....

woah...good opportunity lehh...=P

but being a singer is a long forgotten dream....somemore now a days i seldom sing.....

dunno whether can make it anot...or scarly is another lemon tree case..juz like the joker eyebrow plucker...hahaa~~*~....

pork's bday tml....

happy 2nd bday!!!...this yr dunno whether will celebrate anot oso...monkey not arn anymore....so...=\

but still...happy bday!!!!!....=D

StArStAr~~*~

Saturday, March 10, 2007

help!!!!...i really dunno wads wrong wif myself....haiss...
whats wif all e moodiness n everything.....
someone pls help me...i really dunno wad to do....im really sick of tearing...im sick of getting pissed off when pple i know act like robin....im sick of becoming so emotional, hiding in my room, not being able to eat, feeling hungry at times then the food come n i juz dun feel like eating le.....today....i ate one and a half prata and a few mouths of hokkien mee for e whole day.....
im scared too...

i dunno wads going wrong wif me....i really dunno......
if onli...
if onli there's someone to help me.....but no one can.....how is anyone gonna be able to help in the first place....onli myself can help myself....

i will try my best...to help myself....it has dragged on for too long le..

i have to start to stop being down le...=)


StArStAr~~*~
oh my gawd.....
latest all time low weight!!!!!!!
53.5kg!!!!!!!!!!!!
wOoHoOOO~*~*!**!!!!
shld start eating properly le....juz no appetide recently....
will start eating...dun worry...=)

StArStAr~~*~
When There Was Me And You High School Musical Cast lyrics
Artist: High School Musical CastAlbum: High School MusicalYear: 2006Title: When There Was Me And You

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true

But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true

Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

StArStAr~~*~
what r u doing now?....
i dunno....

hahahaa~~*~~....having successfully chased away 4 guys tt used to revolve arn my life at one point or another...1 guy tt i dun like...1 guy tt has been my fwen for damn long....1 guy who is e first guy i loved so much, but so scared of my ownself that i dun have e confidence for anything....and 1 guy who is quite similar to the 3rd guy...actually maybe if i gave e right signals, maybe possible one....but instead i gave him all e false signals, juz for another chance wif e 3rd guy.....hahaha...now im officially, bored....hahaha...actually got 1 more....soon he'll join e grp to become 5 guys i chased away in e period of these few mths...hahaha...then i'll be alone again..=)

hahaha...wad m i doing at home on a sat?.....we juz had mahjong....my sa fwens juz left...supposed to meet guy num 2 for his bday today.....but...i flared up at him for some reason..hahaha.....on his bday somemore...so tts y im staying at home...hahaha....=)

see...this is how i chase away pple from my life......hahahaa~~*`

anyway...mj was fun!!!..havent played wif the gals since i left for manchester~~..heeee~~*~..=D
i brought them to bishan park to play pool, casuarina to eat prata too..
we were chattin abt setting up a store together~~
=D

ali's going america to learn how to cook.....so when she comes back, work for 5 more yrs, gather $$...all of us..then we gonna open a high end cake shop...ali's e chef, shishi will do e computing stuff, the database, e website...hahahaa....yan suan will be e money manager....yun xuan will sell us/rent us the property...and she's e food taster..hahaha`~...im e marketing one....yeah~~...i love doing sales related/marketing related stuffs....

my boss is coming up wif a new project for me...
im actually quite lucky leh....im involved in so many projects i lost count of them le...
but this new one rite..im supposed to gather all e architects in singapore, all their contacts, then do advertisement to market this new product in singapore......hee~~...

hard work, but ok la..=)
still gathering their contacts..=)....

think my boss n lady boss have ### regularly....hahaha....they're like 50 odd liao leh....i think at least 55...hahahaa~..so sweet...

they're both so lucky...

u ever look at all e happy couples, married an stuck with each other for decades....and still loving...and wonder if u'll ever have it?....u ever believe in it?....

i didn't believe in it...when i was young i predicted divorcing a few times...hahahaa~*~~~....

when i was him, for a period of time, i started believing again......now...

now im more sure than ever tt it does not exist...i know i ask for too much...i know im spoilt n need alot....its not juz ur fault tt things turned out this way...its me too...n i know tt..it takes two hands to clap...sometimes i wonder, if ur not e prez, will things turn out better?....but i doubt so...guess its u ba....

n yes...the worst thing u ever did to confirm e end of our r/s, was to break e one promise u promised me last yr.....never rerun again.......i understand how impt the hall is n how this yr is impt n we shld not waste all e effort u put into it to bring up e hall.. i also understand how u cant pass it down to anyone...though there's this nagging belief in me tt u actually wanted to stay to a certain extend...hence ur subconscious ignored the nagging belief tt the particular someone wun make e mark...i shld have never agreed to u being e prez in e first place, maybe things wld have been better...

anyway its too late le...i dunno wad happened to me....suddenly very dunno wad la...keep scolding pple..hahahaa....think i become aunty liao...hahahaa...all roberta's fault!!!...whole day call me aunty...end up really become one~~......

gotta stop scolding pple le....im losing alot of fwens at this rate.....but dunno y all r guys leh.....it juz seems tt i can identify a guy's character in them tt i always find in robin...n i end up damn irritated..hahahaa~~

k laa..i go slp liao....nites~~

StArStAr~~*~

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

i've got my grades.....
hmmm...not fantastic..
worked really hard....expected alot more...=\
nvm.....its not counted anyway
i'll work harder next sem..=D

still trying hard to quit...
from half a pack of menthol a day become 5 a day.....then become 4 a day....
i juz bought menthol light....hopefully can become 4 menthol light a day soon...=D

today so far..2 menthol 1 menthol light....think the next time i buy i'll buy lights liao.....cos i really hate lights..so maybe i'll fag less....

by the way i lost weight again...
think soon i'll hit my ideal weight le...=D

StArStAr~~*~

Monday, March 05, 2007

i've lost him.....
really lost him le.....
its over.....
hais.....

i dunno why im feeling upset for.....i chose tt path.....
i was e one tt wanted a breakup...
after that i was e one tt wanted a clean break up....
but now....faced with e reality....tt i may really lose him forever.....
it suddenly becomes so hard....
however independent i became.....
however i can survive wif out him by my side.....
the thot of losing him forever....it still feels like shit...
i dunno whats wrong wif me....i never ask my exs for patch one...i never was so wishy washy...
and now..here i am, one min saying this thing, the next min saying another thing.....

i know im in love wif him...but i know....when i get together wif him, unless he has changed in the past few mths i was at manchester...which is highly impossible, i'll still feel tt i deserve better.....

i was looking at myself in e mirror today.....was thinking to myself.....im at my 21s....at the supposedly be at the best part of my life...every woman wanna be 21....

and yet instead of having a good time,being happy, here i am stuck in this dead end.....

i dunno wad i shld do....break up wif him oso alone.....be wif him oso alone.......wads e diff rite....think maybe i'll juz hug my pork to slp everyday...and be happy wif juz being wif my pork...=)

think he's coping well without me...i know it has been hard on him for e past 2 yrs as well....maybe this is really the onli way out ba....

bye little monkey......bye honey.....bye deardear....bye houhou......

StArStAr~~*~

Sunday, March 04, 2007

yesterday i was in a very bad mood.....so a fwen brought me to the beach....on e way there......we were walking towards the beach then crossing this big pile of water...then i dunno what happened....he sort of tried to hold my hand to help me across it...but i instinctively flung it off violently...oh my gosh...i dunno if he likes me or is he juz being a gentleman who's a fwen...but if he onli treats me as a fwen then its damn paiseh la......

but which male fwen holds the girl's hands to cross the bigbig puddle one....as in like....its not on e wrist leh....its my fingers leh.......i dunno la....i juz feel wierd......

scarly he likes me....i hope not....ever since i came back to singapore....i've been feeling wierd...as though guys are acting wierdly...i thot the lily guy liked me too last time....but he's attached and stuff...n he knows i dun like him...i thot he's juz in need of a fwen n tt he's juz a gentlemen....wad e hell la....i feel like i've been like a turkey...being slowly grilled until almost cooked then pple wanna eat...but lucky i still not that dead yet, still can run on my puny legs.....

whats wif all the manipulation...all the pretending and everything...maybe i've been out of the dating world for too long.....really not used to it....insisting on coming over juz to ensure i dun smoke and confiscating my cigs.....

i felt tt there was something wierd going on, but haiss.....nvm la....managed to run wif my puny legs away...hahahaa...noo..dun get e wrong idea...he dint try anything funny...i juz dunno why..being really scared of falling in love again...n i know he's not my type.....

u know...tts wad i've been saying abt this guy n tt guy and all e guys.....maybe im the wierd one...maybe onli robin's my type....hahahaaa......wad ever la huh...its so over liao...dunno if i mentioned it....we had a clean break....i requested for it.......i think it'll be better for me....i cant continue wondering whether he still cares, whether he still loves me, whether he'll ask for a patch ever.....i'll juz have to depend on myself.......my happiness can only come from myself.....

sometimes i daydream....dream tt robin's willing to change...dream tt he wld come after me...start chasing me like last time again....n one fine day when he ask me for a patch...i'll say yes...n we'll live happily ever after...but yea...it'll never happen.....was toking to my senior another day...he told me tt on the first day we were at orientation....he already felt tt robin n i wld end up together....tt we were really compaitable.....i dun even remember talking to robin on e first day lor...in fact i dun even remember robin on e first few days of orientation camp..=X...r we really tt compaitable?....guess i'll never know..........

some times pple ask me how come robin never ask for a patch.......seriously...hahahaa...i kinda expected it....and when i told robin i wanted a clean break......i know.....we will have a clean break.....he's e type tt will believe its wad i want and let me have it....sometimes it makes me wonder if he loves me at all...not fighting for us....but....its juz him ba....he's not proactive at all...one of the points i really dislike abt him....but yea.....i rather tell him i wan a clean break...to force it on us...rather than me trying to control not finding him.....it wld be easier....given tt he's sooooo not proactive not a shit wld ever happen and we wld juz keep draggging it...wads wrong wif him ar....cant he make up his own mind....if he wan then pounce over la...if dun wan then ignore me lorr...wads wrong wif him trying to be all responsible n wanting to take care n help me but not doing any shit....wads the freaking point rite...end up oso i have to make the move to decide to stop things.....wah lao....

sometimes i oso dunno wad i wan....here there's a guy tts willin to do all the stuff i wan robin to do, so much better looking than robin....and i dun like him at all.....wads wrong wif me.....im sure this guy will treat me well.....but i dun like him at all....wads wrongggggg..................got a feeling i'll die alone as a spinster....hope by then i'll still have my fwens arn....

StArStAr~~*~
my blog entries have been rovolving arn him...cos i kinda need an outlet for my troubles....but actually....my life have been quite interesting...heee~~*~`...

fell down the stairs yesterday.....we went out u see....to go eat nasi padang...ate wif our hands...first time!!!...hahahaa....felt abit wierd though...keep getting rice stuck in my nails...yuck~~..hahaha....then anyway, the food was really good...=D......anyway yea....i fell down e stairs.....now my butt hurts like mad.....yea...anyway robin juz msned me.....feel like shit now.....going to sleep....will continue later...
bye....

StArStAr~~*~
fri got quite high......
texted robin told him i miss him....
i feel lousy now.....
hais...feel freaking lousy......
anyway..i texted him ask him to fetch me....
he say he at some gathering now...he not free.....
i gave up le...
yesterday onwards
totally gave up....
deleted his msn, friendster,phone num.....
guess its time to totally finally get over it n move on wif my life...

guess i havent mentioned it...but as it turns out the lily guy like me...gee....=\
so i lost a fwen......avoiding him now.....juz feel kinda awkward.....

hais....monkey..its really over le....=\
guess he'll never give me what i wan....wad i need......he went for a gathering....in e midst of it i texted him saying i miss him n stuff....i was abit high...i was going back on my own....i ask him to come n fetch me...he say he not free....he's at a gathering.....

so i went back myself...decided never to ever consider getting back together liao...cos no...he'll never change.....whether he's still wif me or he's not, whether he loves me or he doesn't....i dun care liao...cos he'll never put down whatever he's doing....juz for me.....

i'll never call him when i go home late in e night again...i used to believe tt if anything shld happen to me, he'll drop everything n rush over...but seriously...what if he's at a gathering again?..he wun b free leh...i rather call other pple tt will care lor.....

on friday nite...i sat the nightrider back alone...fell asleep on the bus...
lucky woke up in time to get down...then sit a cab back home....

robin'll never b e guy tt can make me happy...i need so much more than wad he can offer...there's pple that can run out in the middle of his office meeting....mind u not IA but real job....juz to quickly drive over and run across the road, juz to meet me....there're pple tt can come in the wee hours of the morning, come once i call n say i need cigs, come late at nite and wait for an hour or so....there're also pple tt can come when i need a fwen...reach in half n hours time, drive me over to e beach, and accompany me look at the stars.....robin will never do tt.....im not saying i need all these...im juz saying.....that i shld juz give up...cos robin....he'll never give up anything for me....not the hall....not his life...nothing....never feel impt to him.....who knows my feelings have juz been one sided.....

its ok...i dun care anymore.....

StArStAr~~*~

Sunday, February 25, 2007

hmmm...


today someone gave me a bouquet of lilies.....


actually...lily...since its 1 lily...=P



anyway....i love lilies and red roses!!!....always bugged monkey for it....but everytime he bring me somewhere to choose it...i wld find it too ex to buy.....

anyway...me and tt fwen tt bought the lilies were talking abt motives and reasons behind pple's actions.....

the reason he gave for giving me the flowers....is cos he finds me pretty and wanna see me smile n happy........

geee......i wonder if monkey wld ever do tt....as in..ya la...we broke up n stuff...but....i dunno laa...
hahaha....stop living in e past.....

so ironic tt now tt im single...i have flowers more frequently.....i used to think tt girls onli get flowers when they're attached.....

wad ever la yea?.....if onli monkey wld do small little things cos he finds me pretty n wanna see me smile.....gosh.....tt wld b so sweet....very long never hear a guy tok so nicely liao.....abit touched...hahahaa........i miss my monkey....sometimes i wonder if he ever liked me....=\

hais.....wad ever la yea?....its dictated by him.....he has gotta bother to make e first move to chase me back be4 i can even have e right to consider patching rite??....so e best thing to do is to bo chup and see how things goes...

im having a goood life now anyway...i dun need anyone.....

StArStAr~~*~

Saturday, February 17, 2007

what price would u pay for freedom?
would u pay everything?...
becos tts how much u mean to me...

im gonna quit........

im gonna quit.......
REALLY...this time really gonna quit.....trying my best......14hours past liao
still chewing my chewig gum...=D
though feeling half dead
hahaha~~*~~~~

im gonna quit!!!!!!!!!!
reallyreally......
to all smokers...
im a non smoker now....
my fwen sent me this stuff....

Dealing with Smoking Withdrawal
Hang in There - Smoking Withdrawal
You've just quit smoking and you're feeling terrible. The symptoms you're experiencing are due to a decrease in the nicotine level in your body. Because the nicotine in the cigarettes acts on your brain and gives you positive and rewarding effects, when the level of nicotine falls, you experience these withdrawal symptoms.
The withdrawal symptoms you may be experiencing include intense craving for cigarettes, irritability, frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, insomnia, difficulty concentrating, restlessness, decreased heart rate and increase in appetite and weight gain. These symptoms often interfere with your daily activities including your social life, your work and other aspects of your life. Usually the first two days are not so bad. The withdrawal peaks at Day 3 and is more or less the same for the next five days. From the seventh to the tenth day, the smoker usually feels better and the symptoms become less intense from Day 10 to 14. The withdrawal period is usually up to two weeks for most smokers, although some experience withdrawal for up to six weeks.
There are other symptoms which may not be related to the actual withdrawal of nicotine. Smokers do experience headaches, lightheadness , coughing, tingling of the hands and feet, running nose, tiredness, stomach upset and a variety of other symptoms. Some of these symptoms occur because of the healing effects when the body starts to repair itself. Headaches, lightheadness and tingling of the hands and feet may occur because of increased oxygen supply to the brain and the return of the blood circulation to normal in the fingers and toes. Coughing may get worse because the lungs are starting to function properly again. The lungs are working to clear away the tar, dead cells and excess mucus. Once all the dirt is cleared away, the cough will stop for good.
So, be reassured when you get some of these symptoms. Don't feel discouraged and give in to smoking. The symptoms will go away and you will feel better. The cravings will become fewer, less intense and shorter. If you start smoking again, you will have to go through the whole cycle again.
What can you do to live through this period? Think positively. The withdrawal will come to an end. The symptoms are only temporary. The first week is the most critical period. Most relapses occur in the first week of quitting. If the withdrawal is really bad, you may need nicotine replacement or an oral medication called bupropion hydrochloride. You can also try the 4D's: Delaying lighting up Distracting yourself by doing something else Deep breathing exercises Drinking a glass of water or milk
More "Quit Smoking" Tips!
Whether you are trying to break the habit, or coping with the psychological and emotional aspects of stopping smoking, or dealing with the withdrawal of nicotine, you will probably want to know all the tips that can help you cope during this period. Many smokers have tried using different strategies, so it may be helpful to talk to ex-smokers too. However, as we are all different, what works for one may not work for another. So, don't be discouraged if something does not work for you. Try different methods and strategies until you are able to stop smoking. Here are some tips that you can try:
Be aware of every cigarette you smoke. When you want a cigarette, wait 2 minutes. Try to think of something else to do instead of smoking.
Change your smoking routines. Keep cigarettes in a different place. Smoke with your opposite hand.
Don't carry cigarettes with you at home or at work. Keep them as far away as possible. Leave them with someone or lock them up.
On your quit date, get rid of all the cigarettes in your house and car.
Develop a clean, fresh, non-smoking environment around yourself at work and at home.
Put away your ashtrays or fill them with objects so that they cannot be used for ashes. Plant cacti in them or fill them with groundnuts.
If you miss the sensation of a cigarette in your hand or in your mouth, keep your hands and mouth occupied.
Try holding or playing with your pen, pencil, paper clip, marble or fiddle with a stress ball or hand puzzles.
Keep oral substitutes handy. Try toothpicks or straws.
Chew on hard foods such as apples, raw carrots, celery sticks, plain popcorn or vinegar pickles.
Avoid temptations and situations you strongly associate with the pleasurable aspects of smoking, limit your socializing to situations where smoking is not allowed.
Get up from the table as soon as meals are over and brush your teeth. Take a short walk immediately.
Spend free time in places where smoking is not allowed, such as libraries, cinemas, theatres, department stores etc.
Find new habits to make smoking difficult: jogging, swimming, gardening, painting etc.
Breathe slowly and deeply 3 to 4 times whenever you feel tense. Keep your neck and shoulders loose. Move them around slowly. Do not clench your jaw.
Deal with your irritation and anger up front. Go for walks and do stretching exercises.
Get enough rest. Exercise regularly. Regular exercise also raises your overall energy level.
Increase fruit and vegetable intake. Eat low-calorie foods to help you maintain your weight.
Think positive things: "I smell better", "I'm in control", "I look and feel better", " I choose not to smoke".
Run through your day in advance. Identify potentially difficult times and prepare for them to avoid surprises.
Reach out for help and call someone who cares.
Be careful to recognise excuses to yourself. Remember, there never is a good reason to smoke.
Remember your reasons for quitting smoking. Don't Lose Heart Some people may develop withdrawal symptoms but these will disappear in one or two weeks. Apart from the longing to smoke (we've told you how to deal with this in step 5), the common complaints are : Tingling or numbness in your arms and legs as the circulation improves. Dizziness or lack of concentration as your brain gets used to having more oxygen. Cough and runny nose as your lungs get rid of all the dirt and germs that have collected inside while you were smoking. Get A Little Help from Friends Minor irritability and grouchiness. Remember, we said it wouldn't be easy. We said it would need commitment. But we also said you could do it, so hang in there and donit give up. All that poison is leaving your body for good now! Tell your family and friends that you're quitting. In fact, go ahead and tell everybody so that you can't back out of your commitment. Get them to remind and encourage you if you start to lose heart. They'll also be more understanding and patient with you while you're trying to quit.

StArStAr~~*~

Saturday, February 10, 2007

chatted wif little monkey for damn long today....not really tt long la...but longer than we did for e past 2 mths....almost 2 mts la...=)...

*happy**

i love him...but sometimes love juz aint enuff....i juz wanna see him happy n well...

hope he doesn't get sick or stressed or unhappy or anything...cos it juz makes my heart go all weak in sadness...

the grass may not be greener on the other side...

freedom....wad does it mean?....
means a pile of things to different pple....

freedom from govt, freedom of speech,freedom for slaves,freedom for women from men that supress women, or women tt suppress their ownself... freedom from addiction, freedom from parents, freedom from someone u love...freedom from yourself, to yourself.....

how much freedom is appropriate?...what extend of freedom is just enough?...why is freedom so valued....what type of pple deserves what amt of freedom?....

if my company gives me more freedom, would i perform as well in work? if they give me less freedom, would i perform better?

if i gave my ex more freedom, would things have gotten better between us?...or wld he have disappeared with his ex?

if the govt gave us more freedom, would singapore become less stable?...or wld we become more creative and innovative?....

if my parents gave me more freedom, would i have strayed away?...or would i start to come back slowly and of my own accord?...

if i did not restrict myself, would i have not loved my freedom so much now, such tt however i love my ex, i would not consider going back together?....

how do u define happiness?.....
pple in love in their honeymoon period seem really happy....
pple in love for a longer time and keep quarrelling say they're in pain....
pple in relationship for a damn long time are in love, but sometimes wonder what they're missing by not being single....
pple tt are single look jealously at loving couples n yet, enjoy their freedom~~~

families that are in a whole have kids wondering if something's missing...
families tt are broken have kids wishing for one last nag or one last home food....
parents that give up their life to take care of their kids look jealously at those their age who dress up and go have fun...
parents tt refuse to give up their life for their kids look as their kids start to stray away from them and mix with bad company....

why do pple choose the route they go??...they probably feel it brings them the most happiness...and then they look at others tt took the route they dint go...and get upset...the grass is always greener on the other side...

singapore is so organised...so rigid and so efficient...is tt good?...manchester comparatively is so disorganised...pple don't bother as much, are less "niao" there....pple are happier but with less hours spent on work....i heard my fwen and his fwens were buying a pile of things from saintsbury...then their fwen work there....one day they went to buy this pile of stuffs..they were trying to tok to tt fwen..but for some reason he seemed really dao..they thot is cos he bad day at work and stuffs....
suddenly after they left, they were looking thru their receipt...it was 15pounds short....apparantly the fwen purposely did not scan the bottle of wine...tts why he was acting like he dint know them...

in manchester, he can get away with it by saying its a mistake...but in singapore...could he ever?...he'll prob have to fork it out from his own pocket....

whats wrong with the society here....
ever since i got back to work, everyday when i sit the bus, i see gloomy pple on the bus frowning, sleeping, doing anything except smile....

i suddenly think about my old self.....everybody has a growing up phase....many phases in fact....
when i was younger, i was this rigid, efficient, into discipline and rules and laws......

as i grew older, i realised that rules are made by humans and meant to be broken.....
i realised tt rigid efficiency and discipline is actually....something more kiddified...i dun really know how to explain it.....its like....for babies.....
its like ur parents control u in every way u are when ur a kid....
as u grow up, they start to give u ur freedom..but not totally...
our country may be efficient and everything....but is the nation happy?
we're like a kid, getting some little freedom, being happy for the new little freedom we get...then next min we know we get a magnetic chip on our passport...to know where we are when we get into an accident....is the govt getting paranoid?..why the need to know our every movement?..i know singaporean talents are flocking overseas for better opportunity...maybe its not becos of the better pay or wad...maybe its becos of how the society is like here?

i miss..
i miss the carefree life style in manchester...
the slow moving, slack lifestyle
i miss
the pple smiling and being friendly....
everyone saying hi and smiling at each other....
miss pple lighting up for me...
miss pple holding the door for me....
miss pple letting me go first....
even miss letting pple go first...
yesterday i tried to let a guy with luggage go first..
i know how troublesome it is to travel and stuffs...
but he just pushed forward and rolled his luggage over my toes....

i toked to this old lady yesterday...she actually came over to talk to me...
she acted kinda wierdly...
but i still talked to her...
come to think of it, i prob wun have done it half a yr ago....
but now..i juz missed the smiles on the bus so much...
i just chatted with her from braddell all the way to orchard...

im a slacker....
pple tt know me well excluding my manchester fwens wld probably know that....
but at manchester..for some reason, i started to buck up....i worked really hard...and wanted to really score....
i dun know why....
i dun know why it is in tt environment tt i seem to perform my best, be my happiest, work my hardest...
for some reason or another, i seem to wanna strive for my best, and i seemed to finally found the reason to work hard....

and the reason is...for myself.....

maybe its got nothing to do with manchester,....maybe its just time i woke up and started growing up....maybe its just tt without the protective cover of my family n my ex...i started growing...

i duno...=)

i love my life now...sometimes i look at loving couples jealously...sometimes i miss a certain one...sometimes even two....sometimes even the whole pile....really miss everyone at manchester....met robert n james yesterday....such a familiar feeling....robert with his funny accent..hahaa....james with his singaporean accent back....drinking together....they going to dance...robert dancing in his usual funny style....everything abt him cracks me up man...=)

never had a big group of fwens be4...they're my first big grp..and i really love them....yesterday kailin wispered to me tt she thinks robert likes me....hahaa~~*~~....its juz damn funny~...never been so close to some pple until when other pple see, they thot he like me, but in actual fact...we've juz been all relying on each other for so long until we become close....

i miss everybody...

i miss isabella...miss holding her hand, hugging her, bathing with her...sounds gay?...hahaa....no, we're both str8...hahaa...i miss eating with her...miss hearing her....miss her dropping by the common room...miss the cookies she bought once for me...as a surprise....so sweet....=D

i miss marchie....i miss disturbing her...miss the way she reacts when i disturb her....miss hugging her, she in her white furry hatted coat...miss the food she used to cook for me...miss chatting non stop wif her...she can really talk man....=D

i miss roberta....miss his nonstop chattering..i would have missed his wholeday msging me..except tt he still does it now...and it just got more since hp charges are so much cheaper now...hahaa..i miss hugging him...miss gossipping with him and mugging together......

i miss momo....not monkey momo...hahaa...yea..they have the same nickname...abit wierd at first..but yea..moses momo...miss him complaining abt his problems, miss him saying tt he cried...miss smoking with him...miss studying to the wee hours with him..miss getting trashed by him at DOTA..then he laughing away...miss him disturbing me...calling me once he wakes up..can tell he's really quite lonely and scared of being alone..

really misses him...he seem to have drifted apart the most from me comparatively to the rest...as in we used to be quite close...but...it seem to be disappearing...

i miss daniel!!~..its so fun chatting with him...he can talk about everything under the sun...he seem to know everything...really smart ass tt will probably be rich next time...i miss his voice...it was a really good voice..he can really sing...oh ya...n i miss him and momo's cooking...yummy!!~~!!

i miss ky...he really disappeared now man...ask him out for zx's bday he until now stilll havent replied...dunno, he dun seem to miss mancehster..but i kinda understand...he's got his life in singapore...i've got my life in manchester...miss his nonsenses, miss his PAPness..hahaaa~~*~ juz dunno why after his gf left manchester, he seemed to have became so distant from us..dun get it...but he resembles jeff's character.....

military guys are so loving towards their gfs...so family oriented...but they are so much of tt character tt it seems abit scary liao....but they've got lucky gfs...=)

i miss james and zixiang as well...miss us smoking together...miss zixiang being violent...hahaa~~*~~

i miss martin, glenn, john, jusley, sebastian, the rest of the cs singapore pple, the smiliey pple in e corridor, the caffeteria pple....

actually as wierd as it sounds, half a yr may just be just right actually...now all of us leave each other with good impressions and happy thoughts in our mind...no doubt maybe half a yr more may bring more happy thots to it...but it may bring disruption to our friendship as well...we may no longer be as close or may find faults with each other and may break apart...

actually we all just think of wad we're currently feeling...without even considering tt even if we get wad we want...we may not be happy...we may be even worse off....hence...cherish wad u curently have, and smile at the past beautiful memories...

gawwdd...i really rambled on for hours man~~!!~~....hahaaa..okok...time to pack my room..=D...

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

im back in singapore

not sounding exactly very enthusiastic....but...alas....
im back,,,,,
its been a few days liao.....
starting to get used to life here again...
being alone......
i expected it.....
but dint know it wld hit me so badly....
but alas....im getting used to it liao....
it will onli make me stronger...rite??....
life is good....my job sucked initially...but its getting good too...
everything will get better....
i miss e manchester peeps...
but everyone seem to b getting on with life...
everyone except me...
guess no one will understand how hard it is for me to get over everything....
its juz tt....
when i broke up wif monkey...i had e manchester peeps....
when they're gone..
i thot i have my job to look forward to....
my job sucks.....
though its getting better...but yesterday was damn stressful...
but its getting better...
i miss having fwens around....not tt no one's arn...its juz tt...
with e curfew i still have...i cant go out much anymore.....

apart from weekends, which i shld b spending wif my family....

i end work at 6...i have a curfew..so i have to reach home early....wad can i do within tt few hours man....feel so fucking lonely at home....when no one's home...its even worse...
stay at home and stone...dun even have mood to go youtube...

i miss them so much....worse still be4 i left...we were meeting like everyday, apart from sleep and going for paper...they were always arn...

i feel like shit.....i miss manchester so much....

yesterday i finally broke down.....after all tt stress from work...and e sadness from monkey n fwens....
called monkey..at least he was there for me....he's always there for me....i dunno wad will happen to me if he ever gets another gf....
at least im not meeting him nor toking much to him....wun b so hard to get over him....i thot once i came back, he wld start finding me everyday, and i wld go to him everyday, until i may end up patching wif him...but thankfully, tts not happening....he said he wanted to come to pass me the pork...but i told him next week...so...it wun b so easy for me to fall into his warm arms...i wanna survive this...i wanna emerge strong...i dun need a guy....not at all...

i wanna get over everything...i wanna move on with life....and i will...work shall evolve into my life...i dun need anybody...dun need anybody except myself and my family....the onli stable pillar left in my life...is my family....that pillar never collapses and i always have them to look out for me and catch me be4 i fall down deep into the abyss....

jingjing wants to meet me....im very weak now, i know...i shldn't meet him at all...i dun wanna make use of him to make my life easier....dun wanna hurt him....

its so tempting to make my life easier....but no...i've grown up...grown out of tt phase...i'll survive on my own...with my love from myself and my family and friends, i'll survive....

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

dunno...juz feel really sian....so freaking sick of studying...i dun wanna go back home...but bo pian..damn sian...dun wanna face reality....dun wan at all....

today my fwens n i were toking abt guys...then i realised tt i still cant let go of the betrayal tt i felt towards monkey in the past....its like...i dunno...
but guys definition of white lies are really screwed up....maybe not all guys, but juz monkey ba...but as i chatted wif them, the recollection of being lied to and the familiarity of shivering uncontrollably whenever something happens comes all back...feeling of shivering alone doesn't really feel good...all the more certain tt this is really the end for both of us...hate to remember those stuffs...hate to be lied at....its all juz retribution...if love is this hard, then i never wanna love again....never wanna fall in love...haven heard from him for quite some time...starting to get over him liao..(i hope)...the other day i was looking at his videos....he's so cute....then i got stuck in depressed state again....yesterday i deleted all his videos n msges...dun wanna be depressed no more....

i will get over it...i know it...i'll find someone tt wld never lie to me like he did....i will....if i can never find such a person, then i rather be alone for the rest of my life....never wanna get hurt again....never wanna feel like dying....like death is better than living.....i've so much to look forward to in life...so much love from my family and friends....my future is so bright...dint understand why i was so depressed until even consider jumping off..never in my life had i felt so terrible....so pain....deep inside....i never wanna feel pain again....dun think i'll ever manage to forget wad happened....even when i do forgive him for hurting me during the 2 yrs....i'll never forgive myself for ever considering to harm myself...its unforgivable, n i never wanna feel tt way again...i love myself too much....

Saturday, January 20, 2007

hais....
i dun wanna mug anymore.....so sick of it!!!!!!!!!....realised i've developed a way of hiding my feelings from myself..sorta like a bluffing myself way...makes me numb to my own feelings and makes me have this impression tt im still happily in my perfect world...tt there'll b little monkey when i go back, welcoming me home n stuffs..everytime im stressed i juz wanna hear his voice...my friends say im too dependent on him n i think so too...since i've already made my choice i shld stick to it n try not to disturb him too much...things have been wierd...i dunno...like dun really noe wad to say to him nowadays...without him i feel like im all alone...no one to tok to abt wads going on in my head...no one to complain to when i do badly for a paper...i dun really know how to open up to my friends...they've been been complaining abt their papers or seeking consolation when they're stressed...but i can onli seem to do it towards him...n i shldn't be bugging him...i feel so bottled inside....like i wanna cry, but e tears juz wun come out..i wanna release everything but they juz wun come out...my feelings r like hidden way inside me tt i cant even seem to find them...

things will get better...i'll get better...i know it...life will b beautiful again....it sucks now though....i dun wanna go back to singapore...im scared of wad will happen to me when im without my bunch of fwens in manchester...given tt its like tt already even when im constantly being surrounded by fwens, i dunno wad will happen to me in singapore...i dun wanna go back....1 week left to going home...im dreadin it.....

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

now adays very hard to concentrate....dunno why...dunno what studee method suits me too...last time use to studee all the time wif little monkey...now studee wif my bunch of fwens...but dunno why, just feel really lonely....really alone..not in terms where by there's juz me n four walls...juz in terms of there's no one else, no bunch of pple, that can ever replace the comfortable warmth of the monkey's presence...

even though no one can ever replace it, at least i've got this blog...i cant seem to be able to say out my feelings...even though everyone seem to be complaining to me of not being able to studee and asking me to slap them n stuffs...they prob dun realise the one tt made e least progress in the past few days is me....but after deciding to say out abit of my feelings last nite...the response was quite comforting...my fwens are quite sweet...initially still stuck there wondering if i shld call e monkey n bother him again.......i know i shld stop disturbing him.....i just....cant seem to b able to do tt.....i havent heard from him for quite some time already...know he just stArted work yesterday...i wanna hear all abt it.....=
hais.....i feel freakin lonely....i miss the days we studied together, then slept together, then wake up and continue studeeing together..the days we went downstairs to buy food together, or when we wld help each other buy food when the other is very behind time...miss the days my monkey will attempt to wake me up...then give up or get scolded by the notti star......miss how i used to be able to disturb him and wake him up, so fun to disturb him...and he cant blame me cos he was e one tt wanted me to wake him up...=P
i miss mixed vege rice....miss it so much....hall 1's mixed vege rice....rushing there at 4pm to catch the first hot batch coming out to eat as breakfast.....it was so delicious...

i miss drinking monkey's redbull mixed wif 100plus....it used to be so nice i wld drink it just for the niceness...now here onli have redbull...nvm...gd enuff.....

i miss nescafe.....remember used to go hall 2 and buy like 12 of it...last sem buy 6 get 6 free...
6 normal one get 6 the plastic one free...
we ended up coming back wif 24 bottles/cans of coffee..=P..miss having someone to carry my groceries for me....in fact i seem kinda used to being independent liao....got a feeling tt i may like it so much i'll end up becoming a old unmarriable woman...hahaa.....nah...i dun really care...:P
i've made my decision...and i'll stick to it...at least i'll try my best yea?..:P

now its time to studee!!!....gambate yo star!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

its been a long looong time.....

geeee...like damn long never write blog liao...many many updates.....being in manchester have been fantastic so far...made loads of new friends....went travelling...went to spain, italy n france....drank so much i puked all over my fwen's bathroom...broke up wif lttle monkey...feel so shitty....but i still love manchester...

its e exams period now..still slacking away writing blog....im a bad star~~..=P...
sometimes i still wonder if i made e wrong choice...breaking up wif him..but..alas, its too late~...i've made e decision....dunno..but ever since i came to manchester...i've been like...on my own..wifout e protctive cover of my family, my fwens n e cute monkey....but i realise i actually kinda love it...my life have been revolving arn him for so long...realised i havent grown at all...i've lost track of who i really am....now tt i found who i am...im starting to love myself all over again...n i love it~~

i wanna do so much things...wanna learn so much things....wanna cherish my family n fwens so much more....i wanna do well...wanna get a good honors degree...i used to be just idling arn...waiting for him...but now...its my own life....and i love it...

pple say love is not someone u can live wif, but someone u cant live wifout....i havent been able to live wifout him...i still cant...i still look for him when im stressed...still wonder where he is if i havent seen him for days on e msn...i dun know what im gonna do if he shld ever disappear totally from my life...but i'll just have to live wif it....havent really dared to be in touch wif my feelings ever since i left manchester...even on e day i was leaving...i try so hard to ignore my heart..i never wanna cry again...never....in fact...my heart feels kinda stoned rite now...like so numb from everything....he still seems to be mine...seems like nothing has n will change...

i'll get over it...i know tt...i'm a very lucky gal...i've got everything a gal cld wish for...n things will get better...i know it...oh..and by the way...happy belated birthday to me!!....im 21~~!~~~!~!